How quickly we forget...

I gave myself some really good advice last night.

Apparently this is not my first life crisis. When I was a freshman in college I compiled a college of poetry, song lyrics and my thoughts on them about my transition leaving home for the first time.

When I cracked open the binder last night the accuracy of the words, my words, from six years ago echoed in my head. How is it I have now found myself in a completely parallel situation to the one I faced prior to my college experience?

I am now an "adult," I've been living on my own and making my own decisions for a few years now. Yet, I still find myself reeling from the loss of a relationship that had previously consumed my life. While it's easy for me to internalize this phenomenon, and say I just got too 'involved' or I should've maintained more of an individual life outside of it--I know it's just not that simple.

For me at least, the entangling of two lives is part of what makes a relationship great. In high school, First Love was the perfect partner in crime, and I could count on him for anything. I can say the same for J, only to a stronger extent because we shared everything. We had the same group of friends, we spent time alone, and we spent time with our families.

As I read through the aftermath of my previous situation, I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible to do it any other way.

In order to experience great love, must we always subject ourselves to great heartaches?

Prayer--Bill Cattey

Help me talk myself out of:
Feeling depressed because nobody is there:
To listen.
To touch.
To lick.
To like.
To love.

Help me to confront:
I feel threatened
By what someone did.

I feel stressed
By what I failed to do.

I feel anxious
By what I might do wrong.

I feel:
rejection.
disappointment.
misunderstood.
unheard.
ignored.

I feel terribly terribly alone.

Help me muster strength:
Open up a bit of vulnerability
And share my feelings.
Risk disappointment
And reach out to someone.

Help me break free of paralysis:
over fear of losing what I have.
over failures in spite of best efforts.
over the apparent lack of meaning:
in my work.
in my life.

Help me make new habits:
Manifest:
strength and sensitivity.
confidence and humility.
vulnerability and self control.
Listen to:
rejection and find better matches.
positive comments and accept them.
negative comments and act on them with balance.
Live for myself with concern for others.

Help me make a life I love.